Skinny doesn’t equal confidence

Confidence is something that I have struggled with my whole life. 

I’ve never been good in groups of people and I’ve always been nervous about meeting new people.

So I would shy away from it for years.

I still find it difficult to talk to people I don’t know or be around large groups of people. 

When I was younger I was obsessed about staying under a certain weight. There was no rhyme or reason to it but I remember that I always wanted to be about 50kg and no more. 

I thought being skinny would help me be more confident or make me more likable because growing up in the 00’s stick skinny was in. 

The thing is, it never got me more friends or made me feel more confident. Yes I had boyfriends but they never really cared nor commented on me being in or around 50kg. 

All that did happen was I tried crazy diets, avoided delicious carbs and did endless amounts of cardio to try keep the size that I thought I should be.

What I am trying to say here is, that if you are tieing you self worth to a certain weight. believing that you will be happy when you are that weight, it just won’t happen. 

I was no more confident when I was 50kgs, if anything now I am 8kg heavier I am vastly more confident than I was. 

Now some of that is that I am older, and care less what people thing of me.

But its also because I don’t tie my happiness to my body shape or size.

I built my confidence by putting myself out there and into social situations that made me uncomfortable. 

Am I still shit scared of it all.. yes .. yes I am.

Do I need a bit of dutch courage from time to time absolutely.

But I do it, because its the only way I can get better at it, and being whatever size won’t affect that at all.

It took a long time to get that mentality out of my head but once you do, things become a whole lot better!

Is this something you have sttruggled with in the past?